Poster Child

When I started this blog nearly 7 years ago, I was a naive 31 year old trying to get my voice heard in a big city full of big personalities. Being loud wasn't my thing, but I found out that writing was. I think back to the person I was almost 7 years ago and I think about how that girl was more of a child than a grown ass woman - a "late-bloomer," if you will. Truth be told, I still tend to relate to women 10 years younger than me, as proved by the fact that most of my clients are 27 year old women. Intelligent, bad-ass women, mind you.

Anyway, 6 years ago I was still stuck in a crappy job, for example, that I was too intelligent for, although I didn't believe so at the time and would remain stuck there for a few more years. I tried being a teacher, an experience I documented in this very blog. That experience was a stepping stone for so many big changes to come, and I don't regret it at all.

6 years ago I was also still trying to be more extroverted than I am, because that was the personality type preferred by most of my friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, dates, and society. I hadn't yet gained the confidence to give everyone the middle finger and resolve to be myself.

I was also obsessed with thinking that I was less than because I was single and not married or in a serious relationship like most people I knew at the time. Back then it never occurred to me to entertain the idea that maybe I enjoyed being single. Like, preferred being single. Instead, I frequently went on meaningless dates with people because I thought that all women in their early 30's were scrambling to find a husband, paranoid that all the good ones were already gone. But of course no suitor ever fit the bill, because deep down I knew marriage was not something I really wanted for myself.

I still considered having or adopting kids at that time to appease potential boyfriends, but have since admitted that it's totally fucking acceptable to not want kids. Ever. I will never apologize for the fact that my womb cringes and recoils at the thought of parenthood. I am not less than a woman for not wanting kids, and if you think so, you are ignorant and close-minded.

In the last 6 years I have grown up a lot. My life was very stationary for years before I started the blog, and has since been very up and down, rich with experience and revelation. I wouldn't trade any of my dark, depressing periods for good because of what I learned having had to deal with such challenging times.

One of the most positive experiences I've had since I started this blog was volunteering as a mentor for 3 years for a girl in a disadvantaged neighborhood in Chicago. I gained innumerable insights and the guts to get out of my comfort zone on the regular, which contributed to many other positive changes in my life.

I changed careers 4 years ago, a move that nearly destroyed me even though I maintain it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I lost a friendship along the way, which has also nearly destroyed me. I attribute that loss to ramifications of the career change, but also because I have since chosen to embrace my rare personality and live an unconventional life, which means I'm very misunderstood most of the time.

I have transitioned to becoming my own boss just this year, which was the most wonderful change of all. Pure autonomy is the way I was born to work, and all the energy I sacrificed while working in the corporate big box gym has since been restored. I'm getting out and doing things again, and my quality of life has improved immensely in just a few months.

I've moved several times since starting this blog. 4 different buildings, in fact. I lived with a boyfriend and endured a very challenging and tumultuous relationship, but am very thankful since moving out that somehow we manage to be best friends to this day. Most people don't understand our relationship, but I don't need them to understand. At this point in my life, I do not feel like defending myself. I do not see the world in black and white, and I think it's an ignorant mindset to do so.

I've been a bunny mama for 2 years now, and pet ownership has changed my life in only positive ways. I love caring for my bunnies and I also love the fact that I'll never have to pay for their braces or college education.

Since starting this blog, I've battled moving back to Ohio and staying in the big city that has become synonymous with my chosen lifestyle. And yet, I have finally chosen to leave my beloved big city to be closer to my family instead. That change hasn't happened quite yet, but the choice to do so has been a tumultuous ride in and of itself. How will an unmarried, child-free woman survive in the suburbs? These are real fears of mine.

Because I have evolved so much and see myself as a very different individual than the one who started this blog, I have chosen to end it. This is not the end of my writing, however. I am starting a new blog that will be a bit more specific in nature regarding the life I've chosen for myself as an unmarried, child-free woman. In college I was fascinated by early 20th century feminism, and that that fascination has been resurrected ever since I embraced this unconventional life I have chosen for myself. I am very happy and very fulfilled by my choices. The new blog is not a way for me to justify my lifestyle, but to celebrate it and hopefully a way to find my tribe. I know we are rare, but I also know we are not alone.

I'm not sure if anyone still reads this blog, but if so, this will be my last post here. If you'd like to follow my new blog, you can find me over at www.thenewwomanorder.wordpress.com

Chicago Bucket List

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am moving back to Ohio sometime in the fall. As I also mentioned in my previous post, I came, I saw, I conquered the big city, and now it's time to go home. BUT, there are some things about Chicago I love so much that I want to experience them one last time before I leave. And despite my declaration, I haven't literally done everything there is to do in Chicago, so there may be just few more experiences I want to have before I bid adieu to The Windy City.

In the hours after telling Fabian that I was planning to move, I was going on and on about how I have "done" the city. I've been to the top of the tallest skyscrapers in the city. I've been to nearly every museum. I've been to countless neighborhoods and have ridden every train line. I've explored, explored, explored the city to my heart's content. Fabian noted that most people live in Chicago all their lives and probably haven't done a third of what I've done here. "And that's success right there," he noted. Yes. Yes it is! And I'm proud I haven't taken one second for granted.

All of the recent reflection has led me to create a Chicago bucket list. I cobbled this list together during several commutes to and from work over the past few weeks. I may still add to it, and I may subtract, but I really hope that when I finally head back to the hills and valleys of Northeast Ohio, I can take comfort in the fact that I really did exhaust my time in the big city.

1.) Itto Sushi - This was the first place I ever ate sushi ever in my life, so it holds a special place in my heart. By chance, I saw a post on Facebook announcing it's closure after 34 years of business, and luckily I was able to make it just in time because they are closing this week! So, this was the first thing on my list and the first thing I can cross off.

2.) The Green Mill - This is a jazz club that has been around since the days of Al Capone - probably longer - and the original decor has remained largely intact. It is said that some of the booths face the doors and not the main stage so that the gangsters could be aware of any cops that tried to break up their fun, and promptly run for the secret passageways in the basement to escape. Although I've been to The Green Mill many times, nothing feels more Chicago to me than this place, and therefore I must go one more time.

3.) Pasta Bowl - This is a tiny restaurant located in the Lincoln Park neighborhood. It has always been my favorite spot for pasta, and no matter which neighborhood I've lived in and no matter how far away, I always go out of my way to get their yummy food. Therefore, I must go back once more - eh, maybe twice more...

4.) Open House Chicago - This event sponsored by the Chicago Architecture Foundation takes place every year in October. It is by far my favorite event because at no cost you can explore parts of many different buildings in the city that aren't generally open to the public. This event is so special to me that I'd probably move back in October instead of November if it took place earlier in the fall.

5.) Visit former apartments - I'd like to visit all of my old apartments and take a pic for a collage. It sounds strange, but I learned and grew in each place I lived, and therefore I'd like to have a record of my dwellings to enjoy for years to come.

6.) Visit former places of employment - Because I've mainly worked in skyscrapers, I see the places I used to work almost daily, but for the same reasons as #5, I'd like to have some sort of record just for fun.

7.) Navy Pier Ferris Wheel - Ok, this one isn't incredibly important to me, but just this year they installed a Ferris wheel twice the size of the old one, and I feel somewhat compelled to experience the behemoth. If this item doesn't get crossed off, though, I won't be too broken up about it.

8.) Driehaus Museum - I love old mansions, and I love museums, and somehow I only just found out about this place this year. Therefore, I must go!

9.) Antique Taco - I've never been to this restaurant for tacos, but Fabian insists it's amazing. I trust his judgement when it comes to tacos, therefore, I must go!

10.) The Max - A replica of the diner from the 90's TV show Saved By The Bell?! You bet I'll be there.

11.) Piece Pizza - Ok, I could get sent back to Ohio sooner than I planned if word of this gets out about this, but I do not care much for Chicago style deep dish pizza! Piece is more New York style and I'm obsessed. Shhhh, don't tell!

12.) Pequods Pizza - Just because I don't care for deep dish, doesn't mean I don't like pan pizza. And this place has the best!

13.) Divvy along the Lakefront - For 14 years I've lived along the Chicago lakefront. I've probably run a million miles along the lake, but would you believe I've never biked it? Seems ridiculous since it's something I've always wanted to do. So, I must cross this one off the list before I leave.

14.) Chicago Architectural River Tour - I think this is the most surprising thing I have yet to accomplish in Chicago. Everyone I know has done the tour at least once. But even with my fierce love for architecture, I have yet to experience this tour, and I just cannot fathom leaving until I do so.

15.) Asado Coffee - Ok, there is this secret small alleyway off of Jackson Blvd and I've been fascinated by it for years. A coffee shop recently opened in the teeny tiny building at the end of the alley, but every time I've tried to go so far it's been closed.

16.) Lincoln Park Bar Crawl with Sara - I've been friends with Sara for over ten years, and we used to live a block away from each other in Lincoln Park for years. So of course we accumulated our favorite bars in that time, and so we are going to formulate our own bar crawl this summer and visit all of our old favorite haunts.

I think that's it for now. I've had a lot of ups and downs during my 14 years in the big city, but I love the idea of doing all of my favorite things one last time along with a few new things so I can bid farewell to this city on a high note.

Dear Chicago

Dear Chicago,

I never told you the story of how I learned of your existence, but after twelve and a half years of our relationship together, it's probably time to share. You see, during my sophomore year in college in Canton, Ohio, my three roommates and I were trying to come up with a road trip destination. One of my roommates suggested visiting the city of Chicago. Not even knowing where you fell on the map of the United States, I responded with, "Chicago? Isn't it cold there?" The only other fact I knew about Chicago was that The Oprah Winfrey Show was taped there. We ended up road-tripping to the great state of Pennsylvania that year.

Then, during my senior year of college, my brother's girlfriend's brother moved to Chicago. So, my brother, his girlfriend, and I decided to head to Chicago to visit him during New Year's Eve of 2001. As I suspected, I learned just how cold you are upon my arrival. That being a time in my life when I refused to wear a coat during a night out on the town, I have no idea (except maybe that my brain froze) how I decided that I wanted to move to your chilly wilderness of a city. But, something attracted me. I couldn't pinpoint the attraction at the time, but I felt strongly in my heart that Chicago was where I needed to live.

I moved over 12 years ago and we still find ourselves in a steady relationship. Not married, not divorced, but a steady relationship that has endured plenty of ups and downs. Over the years you have become more than just a city in my eyes. You are a force of nature that has beaten me to within an inch of my life at times, yet at other times you've pushed me hard to want to be a better me.

Enough time has passed that the initial infatuation has worn off though, and I've been seeing the real you for a few years now. When your Spanx are removed and your make-up is washed off, Chicago, you are not all that pretty. I have to admit that when I'm staring down the real you, I often wonder if the appeal is even still there. Although I've been dealing with your flaws for some time now, I'm slowly learning to forgive them.

But you can be SUCH an asshole, sometimes, Chicago. For one, your weather totally blows. How is it that you are always, ALWAYS windy?! Even on seemingly beautiful spring days, you annoy the fuck out of me, you breezy bastard. And suuuureee, public transportation always SEEMS like the best option, but it's slow as fuck. How is it that it takes me one hour to get from my home to work when I take the train, but it takes a mere 20 minutes when I hail an expensive ass cab? Real efficient, jerk. And don't get me started on the smelly train cars. And checking the seat for foreign substances prior to sitting my tush down has become second nature. So gross.

BUT, there is always surprise around every corner, and maybe that's how and why I stay interested. You always keep me on my toes, Chicago. I've lived in three neighborhoods since I moved here 12 years ago, and I've explored countless others. Wandering aimlessly through your captivating corridors fills me with joy. It's one of the few times I don't think about looking at my phone. It's when I get inspired to write, to do more, to be more. Just looking at your various buildings and dreaming of the history they possess causes my mind to drift for hours on end imagining what it might have been like to walk the streets and inhabit those buildings in the 30's, 60's, etc.

You fill me with wonder and dreams, Chicago. You are never boring, and therefore my life is never boring. We've toughed out the hard times together and we've more than appropriately celebrated the good times. As much as I felt you were throwing rocks at me during certain times in my life, there were plenty of other times where you were my rock to lean on and support me. My feelings for you will always be mixed, but isn't variety the spice of life? Regardless, my time with you has been a positive experience, even when many situations didn't seem so positive when I was experiencing them. I know I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today if you weren't the backdrop for my life, Chicago.

The only reason I've ever felt stuck or trapped in a life situation is because you continuously show me that there is more out there. More for me to do, to see, to be. If I had continued living in a small town, I wouldn't know anything bigger than the existence I had always known since I was born. But even though living in a big city makes me feel small, it constantly reminds me that there is always plenty of room to grow.

I'm not sure how much time left we'll have together, Chicago. Life can take me elsewhere or I'll decide that you may not be the right fit for me anymore. But until then, cheers to our adventures together!

Love,
Stephanie

The Grit and The Glamour

Do you ever tend to view your home differently when you're preparing for company? I mean, do you ever try to view your space through someone else's eyes and ask yourself how they would see things differently? What would they notice that you wouldn't normally make a conscious effort to see? Should you change something? Do you find that your space is a true reflection of who you are, and then do you appreciate it more?

Like my home, I have a tendency to view my city differently each and every time I witness one of those double decker bus tours, or trolley tours, or walking tours taking place. I kind of snicker at all the craned necks and constant camera flashes, even though I'm still totally guilty of doing the same thing after living here for ten years. But I always wonder what those tourists think about what they are seeing. Are they shocked by how many people are walking around at any given time of day? Are they surprised by how many races and languages they encounter? Are they simply in awe of the massive concrete jungle? Do they honestly think the "bean" in Millennium Park is one of the coolest things they've ever seen?

I often reflect upon the fact that the tourists left their homes in Wherever, USA to visit the city in which I am lucky enough and grateful to live. I may not have been born and raised here, but I'm filled to the brim with Chicago pride.

The city can be harsh, and it isn't always kind, but I have found that kindness emerges from the most unexpected places. The city certainly isn't for the faint of heart (or the extreme right-winged republican, for that matter), but it IS most certainly for me. I embrace the grit just as much as the glamour, and, like kindness, I often find that beauty emerges from the most unexpected places.

Below is a verrrry small representation of the way Chicago is viewed through my own eyes:

Tulips on State Street - always an official sign of spring. 

Lake Michigan rocks

Good ol' Wrigley Field scoreboard

I love my diverse neighborhood, and I love that I can get frutas con lima, sal, y pimiento en la playa. 

View from my office. 

Waiting for the train

The Magnificent Mile Festival of Lights Parade

State Street around Christmas time

Ice skating in Millennium Park

Beautiful February day

My favorite alley

More Lake Michigan rocks near my apartment 

Shamrock Shuffle in Grant Park

I wander the city A LOT, and sometimes, I just stumble upon the inexplicable! 

View from the Sears - ok, "Willis"- Tower

Cinco de Mayo Festival in the Little Village neighborhood

Osterman Beach in the Edgewater neighborhood

Garden path in Millennium Park

Heavy Metal in Millennium Park

Walking to the train from the gym in the West Loop.

That shiny silver sliver in the middle is my office building.

'Uptown Girl' Update

I couldn't resist labeling myself 'Uptown Girl,' since my friend Megan used it as the subject line in a recent email to me. It's fitting not only because I just moved to the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago, but also because Uptown Girl was my absolute favorite song as a kid. I mean, what adolescent girlie girl didn't want to be Christie Brinkley in that video?!?!

Anyway, after exactly a month, I am finally settled into my new home. The increase in square footage makes such a huge difference compared to my former matchbox-sized apartment in Lincoln Park. Another sharp contrast? My past and present neighborhood! Uptown is definitely more "gritty" than Lincoln Park, but I actually love the very urban setting. I use the term "gritty" because Uptown isn't as meticulously manicured as Lincoln Park, nor is it all that safe to go trolling around late at night. But, my Uptown neighbors are friendly and say Hello (or, in many cases, "Hola"), whereas the snotty affluence of Lincoln Park meant that neighbors didn't so much as make eye contact. Don't get me wrong, I loved Lincoln Park during the 8 years I resided there, but the sense of community was severely lacking. I'm guessing that was due to the population mostly consisting of a disagreeable contrast between conservative yuppies and party-centric twenty-somethings. Uptown, however, is incredibly diverse. Broad ranges of racial & economic diversity, a variance of ages and sexual orientations all play roles in coloring in my vibrant neighborhood. Uptown also seems to embrace all varieties of crazy, an aspect which causes me to entertain the thought of putting off cable installation indefinitely. Also, even though I'm further north from downtown now, Uptown feels more "city-ish" to me. In fact, my friend Sara perfectly described it as "Sesame Street, 227 and The Wire" all in one!

In addition to recently moving, I've also been spending time with my "mentee," which has been such an incredible experience so far, and we've only had two outings. (Side note - In order to maintain confidentiality, I won't use her name when I write about her in this public setting.) She is 11 years old and very bright and sweet. I'm already taken with her desire to learn so much about the world around her, and I aim to exceed her expectations as a mentor through encouraging her to never lose that eager and positive mentality. At such a young age, she has overcome so much hardship in her life, yet she still remains a very enthusiastic girl - an attribute I find infinitely inspiring. I don't always have the best luck, but I sincerely feel as though I hit the jackpot in getting matched with my particular "mentee." I cannot wait to

see what future adventures are in store for us!

Another update to report: After many months of anticipation, the AUSL teaching applications are FINALLY available! They came out on Thursday, but because I don't want to be hasty, I'm going to find some quiet time tonight to fill it out. I've been preparing for this opportunity for many months, and because I only get one shot, I want to be extremely careful with what I choose to fill into those blanks. All of my supporting docs are ready to go though, so I will be officially "applied" by Monday of next week. Wish me luck!!

And finally, with regards to my New Year's goals, I'm down to having just one more book to read, and running 4 races, all for which I'm registered. The class I ended up taking that I can cross off my list was a canning class from The Glass Rooster. My friend, Jennie, who perpetually keeps an eye out for all activities unique and entertaining, stumbled upon an article about canning classes from The Glass Rooster, and so we immediately signed up. Oh - canning qualifies as an entertaining activity, you ask? Well, to be honest, my friends and I could watch paint dry and somehow find ourselves in a fit of giggles, so yes, canning was, in fact, entertaining. And now I have tomatoes coming out the wazoo! During the class, the canning instructor shared some really interesting stories about her life on a farm growing up, along with her transition to city life, including exhausting every effort to preserve the importance of obtaining real food. Additionally, the whole canning process reminded me so much of my Grandma Elsie, who was a canner extraordinaire. It continues to shock me that the art of canning has completely skipped a generation or two. How on earth did that happen? Oh yeah, money-hungry corporate America got involved, blindsiding us by sneaking cheaply produced, overly processed foods that have unidentifiable origins into our grocery stores. Ok, I won't get off on a tangent, but I guarantee that watching Food Inc. will make you just as bitter about our food industry...

So that is all for now! Phew! A lot sure has happened in the past month or so. It has been such a busy year overall though, and I can hardly believe that we are almost at the end of the 9th month of 2010!