Being single for as long as I have has really given me time to think, analyze, compare and contrast the dynamics of being single and being coupled. It's strange, but on one hand I'm antsy, lonely, frustrated and fruitlessly attracted to more types of people than ever. But on the other hand, I'm growing ever more comfortable with my single status and even find myself asking, "Why do I feel the need to be on a constant quest for a significant other when I am perfectly happy alone?"
Society really puts the pressure on us single folks to get paired up. Without referring to any real statistics, I'm going to guess that most people my age are married or in a serious relationship, and majority has the most influence on the amount of pressure singletons endure. But what are the reasons for all the pressure? Do single people make coupled people uncomfortable? Is that why there is so much pressure within our culture to find a damn man already? I feel so sorry for celebs like Jennifer Aniston and Renee Zellweger. NOT because they are perpetually single, but because their single status is constantly scrutinized. And I bet the scrutiny drives them insane because they aren't even unhappy. It drives ME insane! Even with volumes of progress made from the feminist movement, our culture continues to make us feel like our lives are insufficient and incomplete unless we are in a relationship.
That said, I do consider myself open to finding love and would love more than anything to find that perfect match, but I just don't think that I should be made to feel bad about myself because I'm single and enjoy it. Could I really be happier, though? I mean, I have been in love before. And while I do think it's the greatest feeling in the world, I've still managed to survive and become a better, happier person even though that relationship ended. In fact, is being so independent and happy on my own preventing me from sustaining a successful relationship as well as the reason I've been single for the majority of my adult life? Or, could it be that even though I'm fully capable of falling in love, it's the tools for maintaining the working parts of a relationship that I lack?
Instead of moping around and analyzing the reasons as to why I'm not paired up, maybe I should just relax and let nature, fate, destiny or whatever take it's course. But if I just relax and let things happen, then I'm perceived as having "given up." Just as well, being assertive, finding dates and analyzing what is going right and wrong can be perceived as being "desperate." The world of dating is a damned double-edged sword, and all this analyzing is so overwhelming that it makes me want to give up.
Additionally (and not necessarily related to the aforementioned), an observation I've made during my single stretch is that it's quite easy to find someone to lust after, and it's also quite easy to find someone who has all of the capabilities and characteristics of building a fully functional partnership. The trick is finding both crucial aspects within the same person. According to all the books, magazines and conversations with friends and family, this alleged human being is supposed to exist, yet that person is as elusive as Bigfoot to me.
The protagonist, Edna Pontellier, from my favorite book The Awakening by Kate Chopin experienced this very dilemma. For example, Edna had lukewarm feelings for her less-than-dynamic husband, yet he was nice enough and obligingly fulfilled his husband-ly duties. The young lad who induced Edna's "awakening," however, made her feel beautiful and sensual and provoked a renewed spirit within her. That young lad was quite flaky, though, and he ended up disappointing poor Edna.
I consider this book my favorite because it taught me that marriage and family are options - not obligations (a taboo sentiment during the Victorian times when this novel takes place) but I never thought that when I read it ten years ago that my life would virtually parallel Edna's. Edna found a solution to her dilemma, though. And while her solution was far from desirable, she told society to "suck it" in her own darkly beautiful and poetic way. I don't think society is worth meeting the same unfortunate demise as Edna, but I would very much like to do her justice and find exactly what she wanted, but never found.
No comments:
Post a Comment