Checking In on Being Checked Out

So, as a follow up to my last post regarding my job situation, yesterday I was called into my supervisor's office yet again. Only I was told this time that they will, in fact, still require my services once the company is sold to the new firm. And get this - I was upset about it.

Holy crap - how fucking much does one have to hate their job in order to be upset upon finding out there won't be any layoffs after all?!

I feel like such a brat for feeling this way. The fact that there are a gazillion Americans who'd love to have a job - any job - is not lost on me.

But I can fully admit that ever since I got word to start looking for another job, it's been really challenging to focus on spreadsheets. I mentally checked myself out as soon as I got the news of my pending layoff, because simply learning that there was light at the end of the tunnel made me want to run - no, sprint - toward the exit.

Oh, wait. Who am I kidding? I have to be honest - I am no more checked out at this point than I have been for yeeeeeaaaarrrs!! In fact, I've been restless for so long that it's far more challenging for me to think about the last time I was actually motivated to stare at spreadsheets.

But it did feel good for a while to feel less guilty for blogging during work hours, taking two hour lunch breaks, or, taking two lunch breaks.

Wait, who am I kidding?! I've never really felt too guilty about that before either!

I know this must sound terrible and like I have a horrible work ethic, but as a veteran office drone, sometimes I just need to push the envelope and shake things up to remind myself that I'm human and I actually have a pulse. I need to always be mindful of the fact that life is not as black and white or as symmetrical as the grids upon which I manipulate data.

Yes, of course I'm eternally grateful for the paycheck I receive every two weeks, and I continue to consistently perform my work tasks in an organized and timely manner, but it's miserable work, and I work for miserable people, and I'm beyond ready to finally say, "Peace out, bitches!!!"

Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.

The good thing about this whole situation is that I'm still fully committed to getting my personal training certification, and now I'll just be making money until I can quit my horrible job on my own terms.

In the meantime, I'm maintaining an "attitude of gratitude," but this pic expertly describes my attitude in the office regardless of whether it's a Monday or a Friday...