The Big Bang Theory

When I was home during Thanksgiving last year, I decided to root through some old photos in an effort to find any cool, vintage-looking ones to frame. Incidentally, during my quest I came across a photo of myself that was both hilarious and horrifying. It was taken at the orthodontist's office when I was 10 years old. I was wearing "head gear," which was an awful metal brace that attached to cemented bands on my molars, and also wrapped around the circumference of my head. Despite the barbed wire around my face, though, my goofy smile drew attention to the giant gap between my two front teeth, which resulted from another orthodontic contraption called a "palate expander," which wasn't unlike a mid-evil torture device, as it literally worked to break the bone between my two front teeth in an effort to widen my mouth. Also, in the background of the picture there was a poster of a HUGE smiley face with braces, and big letters that read, "Braces are Beautiful!"  Upon discovering the priceless relic, I showed it to my Mom and said, "Braces are beautiful... unless you're Steph... and you look like THIS." She immediately gasped and exclaimed, "What's wrong with your hair?!" Never mind my hair, I thought. What about my busted grill?!

But, my Mom did bring up a good point. I was sporting those hideous giant bangs that were sooooo cool in the 80's and early 90's. And it made me wonder, why did that hairstyle ever seem attractive? How did manipulating a small tuft of hair located on the top of your forehead to create the look of ocean waves ever seem like a good idea? And why was bigger always better?

I also remember that once you committed to big bangs, there was no turning back. For example, one day in sixth grade, at the "height" of the big bang obsession, I decided to be rebellious (or maybe I just felt lazy) and chose not to curl, tease, and shellac my bangs for school. As a result, so many people came up to me that day and asked if I was "okay," because my hair wasn't "done." I realized that my bangs must have looked so pitiful and depressed compared to the regular "party" vibe they normally projected.

And even though my Mom was horrified by my hair in the pic from the orthodontist's office, she, too, was guilty of sporting some awesomely huge hair around the same time as well. In fact, I realize now that my Mom's multi-layered permed hair wasn't so different from a mullet, except instead of being "business in front, and party in the back," it was, "party in the front, AND party in the back." Ooooh yeah! And doesn't the word "party" come to mind when thinking of the 80's anyway? Big-ass bangs paired perfectly with neon colors, acid-washed jeans, and splatter paint t-shirts!

Sporting huge hair didn't always mean that life was a "party," however. For instance, adopting such a time-consuming hairstyle that was constantly challenged to defy gravity did not make for smooth mornings in our household. The progression of pure rage would occur any time that one little section of hair wouldn't cooperate, no matter how much Salon Selectives Super Hold Hair Spray was used to glue it all together. Those high maintenance hairdos always carried the risk for "bad hair days," and many times you were sure that your life was ruined because the bouquet on the top of your head wasn't quite perfect. In fact, I can remember being in my bedroom while my Mom was monopolizing the bathroom and hearing combs and curling irons being slammed down onto the sink out of frustration, which alerted everyone in the house to the fact that Mom is at war with her bangs! My temper wasn't exactly kept in check regarding my own bang  battles either, though. I even remember bursting into tears a few times, feeling defeated by own army of styling tools.

Thankfully, the Big Bang trend eventually came crashing down - not unlike the ocean waves they resembled. Hairstyles from different decades may go in and out of style all the time, but let's all cross our fingers and hope that the trend of big bangs never returns. Of course, if "mom jeans" are making a comeback, then I guess anything is possible. The horrors!

The below pic is from 5th grade, when I was obsessed with DJ Tanner's hair from the TV show, Full House. Despite the cruciferous vegetable growing from my head, this is my favorite school picture ever.

This pic was taken Christmas morning. Even a hat can't cramp by bang style... or mash them down.

This is me holding my cousin, Brittany, who just graduated college this year, incidentally. She was lucky enough to have missed the whole big bang trend.