Fresh Out of Fucks to Give

One of the reasons I started this blog is so I could have the opportunity to express my opinions, thoughts, and feelings without interruption, objection, or judgement. I mean, of course you are still able to judge me, but at least I can't see your face silently criticizing me! Not that the subjects I write about are very controversial or anything, but I do find myself avoiding rocking the boat by keeping my posts fairly neutral.

I also tend to be very passive and agreeable in person, even when I don't necessarily agree with whatever is being said. I worry too much about how I'm perceived and I'd rather die than have anyone be mad at me. But at almost 36 years old, I think it may be far more important to be respected for living authentically and standing my ground rather than worried about someone being mad at me because I don't agree with them. I think it's time for me to stop fearing judgement and start expressing my opinions, regardless of the fact that others may not see eye to eye with me.

I have always fought hard to keep the peace with my friends and coworkers, but it might be fun to stir the pot a bit for once in my life. Incidentally, my BFF is always brutally honest, and incidentally, I respect him tremendously, even though I don't always like what he has to say. Most of the time he's right, but sometimes he's wrong. Even so, he has an opinion and he's not afraid to share it. I admire that. I'd be a lot less anxious if I just stopped giving a fuck about what people think.

For the first time in 36 years, I am confident with my journey and the way I have chosen to live my life. My lifestyle is different from the average 36 year old mid-western white girl, and I'm more than okay with that. For so long I felt pressured by society to not be okay with it, and therefore my confidence suffered because I wasn't doing/saying/acting/being the same as everyone else. But, my life and the way I live it is my choice. And even though it may not be ideal all of the time, it is still MY life. I don't judge you for your choices even when I can't relate or don't want the same things as you do.

It is also important to remember that people don't care as much about my life as much as I think they do. I have to accept that it's okay for someone to be upset with me, and realize that if they value having me in their life, they'll get over it. If not, they'll move on and so will I.

Crazy Bunny Lady

Because I live an unconventional life, it would only make sense for me to adopt a bunny as my pet of choice, as opposed to a dog or cat. I'm alergic to cats and I don't have the time or money to take care of a dog, but it turns out that a bunny is a perfect pet for my lifestyle.

I'm pretty sure many people think that owning a bunny in the city is odd, maybe because they associate bunnies with farms or whatever. Well, I'd like to introduce the world to my Doodles. I adopted her on August 6th from Red Door Animal Shelter. She is an adorable bun with a fun and feisty personality and I love her more than words can describe. And while barn hay has become a very large and messy part of my everyday existence, I maintain that Doodles is very urban chic. After all, she was found fending for herself on the harsh streets of Chicago, making her a strong and independent little lady. She was most likely a bunny that was (irresponsibly) given to some spoiled kid at Easter only to be abandoned by her original family once they realized how much work goes into caring for a bunny. Sadly, this is the same story for most of the bunnies that find there way to Red Door.

Knowing this information regarding her background breaks my heart, but Doodles is the last one to hold a grudge. She is the most active, loving, thankful, healthy, and entertaining creature I've ever known. Her only "imperfection" is that she has a permanently dislocated toe - the only visible marking of her former life. It tears me apart to think about what may have caused her little toe injury, but it doesn't affect her one bit. She fearlessly jumps super high and hops through the house at lightening speed. She attacks me with bunny kisses and knows exactly how to manipulate me into giving her treats. She lets me pet her tiny nose and giant ears for as long as I would like, and she always returns the love with kisses.

Owning a pet is hard work, but the rewards far outweigh the cost and effort. I think the biggest change she has made in my life is allowing me to be a more present individual. I'm completely in the moment when I'm observing or petting her. For crying out loud, I have written so many blog posts about how much I struggle with being present, so why didn't anyone ever tell me that owning a pet could help me learn to clear my head and be fully in the moment?!

Doodles also reminds me to be more thankful on a regular basis. She gets a salad twice a day and a treat before bed and every single time she acts as if it's Christmas freakin' morning. It's adorable. Her reaction causes me to be more enthusiastic and thankful any time I eat too. Not that I'm not already enthusiastic about meal time anyway. But she makes me realize how blessed I am to be alive and have the means to obtain the fuel that keeps me living.

No matter where on this earth life and circumstance take me, I am fully committed to loving and caring for this bun and giving her the best damn life she deserves.

Doodles... also known as "Doody, Doody Bun, Doodle Baby, Doodster, Baby, Bunster