Fresh Out of Fucks to Give

One of the reasons I started this blog is so I could have the opportunity to express my opinions, thoughts, and feelings without interruption, objection, or judgement. I mean, of course you are still able to judge me, but at least I can't see your face silently criticizing me! Not that the subjects I write about are very controversial or anything, but I do find myself avoiding rocking the boat by keeping my posts fairly neutral.

I also tend to be very passive and agreeable in person, even when I don't necessarily agree with whatever is being said. I worry too much about how I'm perceived and I'd rather die than have anyone be mad at me. But at almost 36 years old, I think it may be far more important to be respected for living authentically and standing my ground rather than worried about someone being mad at me because I don't agree with them. I think it's time for me to stop fearing judgement and start expressing my opinions, regardless of the fact that others may not see eye to eye with me.

I have always fought hard to keep the peace with my friends and coworkers, but it might be fun to stir the pot a bit for once in my life. Incidentally, my BFF is always brutally honest, and incidentally, I respect him tremendously, even though I don't always like what he has to say. Most of the time he's right, but sometimes he's wrong. Even so, he has an opinion and he's not afraid to share it. I admire that. I'd be a lot less anxious if I just stopped giving a fuck about what people think.

For the first time in 36 years, I am confident with my journey and the way I have chosen to live my life. My lifestyle is different from the average 36 year old mid-western white girl, and I'm more than okay with that. For so long I felt pressured by society to not be okay with it, and therefore my confidence suffered because I wasn't doing/saying/acting/being the same as everyone else. But, my life and the way I live it is my choice. And even though it may not be ideal all of the time, it is still MY life. I don't judge you for your choices even when I can't relate or don't want the same things as you do.

It is also important to remember that people don't care as much about my life as much as I think they do. I have to accept that it's okay for someone to be upset with me, and realize that if they value having me in their life, they'll get over it. If not, they'll move on and so will I.