What a Difference a Trip Around the Sun Makes

A year ago around this time I was having a really rough go at life. I was burned out from work and missing my former social life. Things eventually got better, mostly because I stopped feeling guilty for feeling terrible and finally gave myself permission to feel whatever the fuck I was feeling at the time, no matter how unpleasant. Relief, clarity, and peace resulted.

Mentally, so much has changed for me in the last year. Changing my perspective regarding my circumstances changed everything. For instance, last year at this time I was bemoaning the loss of close friendships, and this year I am celebrating having uncovered the truest friends in my life. Real friends understand that life happens, and sustaining a friendship sometimes means only exchanging random texts here and there.

Because the concept of understanding is a major component of any relationship, I learned that those who fail to understand will eventually fall away for good. I learned -although extremely difficult to accept- that a broken friendship is okay. I no longer carry the burden of thinking that I'm a bad friend or a bad person for having disappeared while my life was turned upside down after I changed careers nearly four years ago. I will also no longer apologize for how my life is unfolding and how I choose to deal with it.

That being said, I happened to rekindle some dormant friendships in the last year that I knew in my heart could still sustain life. I'm thrilled that even though our separate worlds have changed, our bond has most certainly stayed in tact. I admit that I do shut the world out sometimes, but I know that the people who are meant to be around when I rebound will be there.

Not unlike last year, I am quite overwhelmed with life at any given moment, and I still don't necessarily have the time or energy for much of a social life. The career I chose is not without its drawbacks, but it's fucking important to me. I still have to work my ass off just to pay my bills, and I'm still perpetually exhausted. And yet, I still find the desire to better myself and constantly improve. I'm always dreaming up ideas and working on new things, and I am now positive that I can have everything I've ever desired.

Last year at this time my outlook on life was grim. I was drowning in a sea of helplessness, unaware of how to save myself. But now I'm so much more accepting of whatever emotion I'm feeling at any point, and I've accepted that difficulties and uncertainties are a part of life. The thought that things could always be better serves as a motivational tool, and the thought that things could most certainly be worse reminds me to express gratitude.

I'm just trying to exist and live a worthy life just like everyone else, succeeding sometimes, failing other times, but accepting my journey nonetheless.