Disarray

Do you know the feeling you get when you take everything out of your closet to reorganize it, and then you face the daunting task of putting it all back together? Sure, you fully understand that your efforts will equal more efficient closet space, but I'm talking about that sudden, discouraging moment when all of your stuff is in disarray, and you realize that a lot of work is required in order to make that closet work better for you. Well, that's how I feel about my life right now. But, as the saying goes (Warning: cliche ahead), "you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

Anyway, I passed BOTH the Illinois Basic Skills & Content Area tests (Woo hoo!!!), so now I'm just patiently (and by patiently, I mean nervously/anxiously/restlessly) waiting until the new AUSL applications are available so I can finally apply to the program that has been occupying 90% of my mind since April.

Also, I'm moving into a new apartment on Monday, and my current apartment is filled to the brim with boxes. I never realized until just this week how sad an apartment can be when there is nothing on the walls except the dust outlines where pictures once hung, and a mountain of unmarked boxes dominating the living room, just waiting to be hauled off to my new little corner in the world. Perhaps the reason my apartment is so sad is because my place at 420 W Surf is the first Chicago apartment that ever truly felt like a 'home' to me, and now it seems so strange that I'm suddenly abandoning ship. But, life moves on. Literally, and, well, literally.

Additionally, after several months, I've finally completed the process of jumping through all of the necessary hoops (and there were A LOT of dang hoops) to become a mentor with the Friends First program. So, now I'm just patiently (and by patiently, I mean nervously/anxiously/restlessly) waiting to get matched with my mentee.

So, all of the above, plus trying to complete all of my Top 10 Goals for 2010, has really kept me on my toes this summer. And despite sacrificing some summer fun, and accepting all the uncertainty that comes along with making big life changes, I maintain that every ounce of effort spent on reaching my goals has been worth every minute!

And as I look around at everything in my life that has been moved, removed, shifted, changed & rearranged, I take a deep breath and remember that a better, more efficient and organized closet is in my future.

The Adventures of Ethan & Aunt Stephanie

So this entry has nothing to do with my Top Ten Goals for 2010, but it has everything to do with the "small stuff," which is essentially the core theme of this blog. (I've tried like mad to keep a central theme, but as life would have it, it has obviously expanded to so much more!)

Anyway, I was in Ohio visiting my fabulous, fantastic, funny & fun family for an entire week a couple weeks ago, and along with squeezing in quality study time for the Illinois Basic Skills Test (which I took this past weekend!), there was a whole lot of quality aunt/nephew time with Ethan. I am dedicating this entry solely to him because, quite simply, I'm obsessed with the little guy. Everyone close to me knows this, and even my co-workers, with whom I choose to share few details regarding my personal life, know ALL about Ethan. I'm assuming the shrine of Ethan pics that adorn my cube don't do much to hide this obsession, and instead prompt inquiry as to the identity of the little man.

So, without further ado, here is a recap of only some of many of the small, yet special, moments that occurred during our time together in Ohio:

Trip to CVS = An Unexpected Lesson in Responsibility

Because I try to take as few toiletries as possible with me when I fly to Ohio, I needed to make a trip to CVS soon after I arrived. I asked Ethan if he wanted to walk with me, and he was all about it. As we were walking out the door, my brother tried to hand him $5.00 so he could buy soap for their bathroom. Ethan told him that he didn't want to buy the soap and that they could just get it at another time. My brother, who would've loved if Ethan had taken him up on the responsibility, retracted the $5.00 but didn't make a fuss. When we started walking, I could tell Ethan was a little pensive, but after a few minutes, a conversation began between us and went like this:

Ethan: "Do you think Daddy was mad that I didn't take the $5.00 to buy soap?"

Me: "Oh, honey, no, I don't think he was mad. ...... But, if you want, we could always still pick out a soap and just have Daddy pay me back later."

Ethan: "Yeah, that's a good idea. Can we do that?"

So with that, we paced the soap aisle in CVS with a mission. Overwhelmed by the plethora of choices, we first had to figure out bar or liquid. After a quick call and consultation with Daddy, it was established that we needed to choose a liquid cleanser. Then, I advised him to choose one of the three brands on sale. Of those three, we did a 'smell' test. Nivea for Men won, which made me giggle because Ethan is eight, yet he chose a very sophisticated cleansing product (Nivea for MEN!), which, I'm sure, is EXACTLY why he chose it.

I can't explain to you the magnitude of how proud Ethan was that he followed through on the responsibility originally bestowed upon him by his Dad. And I can't explain to you the magnitude of how proud I am of my brother for raising such a good kid.

Actin' A Fool

We were at my brother's place when I asked Ethan if he wanted to go outside to play soccer. He was looking for the soccer ball when he spontaneously stopped and busted out incredibly obnoxious dance moves. "WHAT was THAT?!," I asked, laughing. He pointed out that Lady Gaga's Just Dance was on the radio. Duh!

When we got outside and I was about to kick the ball, he told me to wait until he tied his shoe. I replied, "That's OK - while you're doing that, I'll (queue mimicking of his aforementioned dance moves) JUST DANCE!" With the most serious expression on his face, he looked at me and said, "No. Don't do that." I rebutted with, "Why!? YOU just did it!," to which Ethan shot back, "Yes, but that was inside, and this is in public." Touche...

But I Gotta Go to the Baaaathroooom: Adult/Child Roles Briefly Reversed

One of the days during my visit to Ohio was extra special because I got to take Ethan to Water Works Family Aquatic Center in Cuyahoga Falls. My brother and I spent so many summers there, so it seemed really cool as an adult to be taking my nephew there. I fully expected a day of aunt/nephew bonding, but what I didn't expect was the lines of adult/child roles to be blurred.

For instance, after we ate the lunch I packed for us, Ethan was ready to hit the water slides. I was ready too, but only after I went to the lady's room. Ethan seemed annoyed that I needed to make this detour, but he sighed and left it at that until:

Ethan: "Aunt Stephanie! What are you doing?! Leave your flip flops at the blanket so we can go straight to the water slides from the restroom!"

Me: "Eeeewwwww! No way! I'm NOT going barefoot in the bathroom! Gross!," I whined.

Ethan: (Scoffs) "Fine. After you are finished, hand me your flip flops and I'll run them back to the blanket real fast."

Um, how on earth did I become the whiny child?

Another example of adult/child role reversal occurred in our relentless battle regarding sunscreen application. For example, I never thought he was putting enough on, and he thought I was being evil for making him go through the drill of reapplying it so often. The sunscreen tug-of-war went on all day and I even had to pull out the "I'm the adult, you are the child" line several times, although I think I was repeating it mostly to convince myself. Luckily, and I told him one day he'd thank me, I won. Below is an excerpt from our verbal tug-of-war:

Ethan: "What are those 'dots' on your shoulders?" (referring to the freckles on my shoulders)

Me: "AH HA!," I exclaimed, excited because he had unintentionally introduced Exhibit A to further my argument FOR sunscreen. "Yeah! See!? THIS is what happens when you don't wear enough sunscreen as a kid! You don't want to end up with 'dots' like these, do you?!"

Ethan: "Yes, I think they are cool."

Me: (Slapping hand on forehead in frustration)"D'oh!"

Water Slides = Recipe for High Level Embarrassment

In addition to several large water slides at Waterworks, there are also 2 short "racing" tube slides. Semi-unsure as to whether adults were allowed to enjoy these slides, I stood on the sidelines and watched Ethan for a while. He is so small that he was literally shot out of the slide like a cannon ball. This was so entertaining to me that I told him to go again and again and that I didn't mind waiting and watching. I was endlessly giggling when he came up to me and said, "OK, your turn. We can race!" My smile quickly transitioned into a look of horror, especially because I had yet to see an adult on these tube slides, and I was paying attention. I tried to use the excuse that I had my sunglasses with me, but Ethan asked for them and carefully tucked them under a fence so they wouldn't get broken or stolen. I swallowed the lump in my throat along with a big chunk of my pride, and complied with his request to "race" him on the dueling tube slides. I followed him up the stairs, half embarrassed and, let's be honest, half totally excited. When we reached the top of the platform, I relaxed a bit and realized that it wasn't necessary for me to feel so embarrassed to be acting like a kid again. That is, until this 31-year-old yelped (a yelp that was acoustically enhanced by the hollow tube, by the way) going down the slide. Oh, and who won the race, you ask? Well, I couldn't tell you because I was too busy getting reprimanded by the lifeguard who blew his whistle at me for almost exiting the pool at the wrong ladder.

Luckily, Ethan thought I was cool that day even if the lifeguards thought I was a total hot mess.

Lazy River Revelations

After our 9 millionth time around the lazy river in separate tubes, I begged Ethan to allow me to share his giant 2 person tube with him. "Fine!," he finally relented, much to my glee and his chagrin. I coerced quite a bit of info out of Ethan during our circles of laziness. I found out that he has a girlfriend, for example, and I demanded and was in turn supplied with all the details! Her name is Gretchen, she wears glasses, SHE asked HIM out, etc. But after a while, the conversation turned more serious:

Ethan: (In a completely serious tone of voice) "So, what else do you want to talk about? How about work? How is your work going?"

Me: "Ugggghhh, oh Ethan, I do not like my job. .... In fact, I'm working really hard to go back to school to become a teacher! .... Ethan? Do you think I would be a good teacher?"

Ethan: "Eeeeehhhhh, maybe about 50 to 60%."

Me: "WHAT?!," I exclaimed, hoping for an uptick in the number the second time around.

Ethan: "Yes. About 50 to 60% good."

Me: "Really?! Is that your final answer??"

It wasn't just the fact he thought I'd only make a halfway decent teacher that bothered me. It was also the fact that he seemed to have better grasp on percentages than I did, and I had been studying percentages along with many other math concepts for many weeks.

So, I suppose I now not only have to prove to myself that I can become a GREAT teacher, but I'm also faced with the task of impressing Simon Cowell in my quest for teacher hood.

And Finally...

Who wouldn't love an eight year old who is funny, honest (albeit a little too honest), gives hugs freely and loves telling stories just as much as he loves hearing them? Although I could go on and on about our special times together and why he is so important to me, hopefully this entry helps convey a bit of my gratefulness for having this unconditionally-loving eight year old in my life. And sure I hope that in his little mind he considers me far better than "50 to 60% good" as an aunt!

1/2 Way Mark

Ok, 6 months down, 6 months to go. And I think I've made some pretty decent progress at the half way mark regarding my 2010 goals! Most recently, I've read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and The Other Wes Moore by Wes Moore. Again, I'll save writing about my favorite quotes from these books until I've read all 10, but I will say that The Other Wes Moore is the most inspiring book I've ever read. Ever. Period.

Also, I have officially paid off both credit cards!!!!! What a great feeling to have accomplished something that was once such a daunting goal. So, I'm officially debt free aside from student loan payments, which is actually considered 'good debt' according to the financial gods. And besides, President Obama and First Lady Michelle only recently paid off their school debt, so I'm not too stressed about mine. BUT, if I do get accepted into the AUSL teaching program, I can get all of my student loans forgiven since I'll be teaching in a high-need school. Just another of the 8 million reasons taking the steps to change my career is so very, very right for me.

Since I have already accomplished so many of my goals, it is actually easier to do a run-down of what I have left:

1.) I still have to run 4 more races
2.) I have to read 4 more books
3.) I still need to take a class of some sort
4.) Write in my journal (which will be a work in progress until the end of the year and beyond)
5.) Save money - This, too, will be a work in progress until the end of the year.

I must say that I have made great strides regarding saving money thus far though. For instance, I take coupons with me where ever I shop and I NEVER shop without a list. I've been buying mostly generic equivalents of name brands (I've discovered there is ZERO difference in the quality). I've been reigning in my entertainment spending by going out only once per week. I don't order in as much (down to 0 - 1 times a week!). And -probably the most major of all- I'm moving into a MUCH less expensive apartment at the end of August. Through all of this, I've learned that being frugal is a challenge, but the accomplishment is so rewarding! Restraining myself from impulse purchases doesn't feel like I'm depriving myself, it makes me feel in control.

Additionally, my goal-accomplishing is going to be on hiatus for the next 17 days while I spend nearly every second of my spare time studying for the Illinois Basic Skills Test and Content Area Test. Passing these two tests will determine if I can even so much as apply to the AUSL program in September. No pressure there, eh? It is totally nerve-wracking, as I have to cram as much as 17 years of schooling back into my noggin, er, at least search for a good portion of it in the archives of my brain. If anything, I'll be primed for a good game of Trivial Pursuit when this is all said and done. Wish. Me. Luck. PLEASE.

Focus. Prioritize. Repeat.

When I set out to accomplish my Top Ten Goals for 2010, I had no idea that I'd set out to change my whole life too. I could have stayed perfectly content with my ten attainable goals, but noooooooooo! I just had to shake things up!

So what else have I piled on my plate? Well, I'll be becoming a volunteer mentor in July, moving to a new place in August and applying to the AUSL teacher training program in September. Each of these require a lot of work and preparation, and just thinking about everything I need to do is quite overwhelming.

BUT, I need to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need to draw on past experiences and remember that feeling overwhelmed and even feeling a little bit of self doubt is part of the process. The important thing is that I push through despite these feelings.

I CAN do this. Repeat.

Confession

So, I have a confession to make. BUT, before I disclose my little secret, I just want to quickly report that I can cross yet another goal off my list! I fulfilled my goal of volunteering at least one time during 2010. Last month, I signed up with One Brick Chicago, a non-profit volunteer organization that assists other non-profit organizations whenever called upon. I chose (from their calendar of endless opportunities) to help out at the Kids Day America event at MayFest. And, a funny thing happened during that singular volunteer experience. I discovered just how awesome public service can be. So, I'm already signed up for another event through One Brick for tomorrow. I will be helping out with kids activities again at a sidewalk chalk festival hosted by a group called Art Therapy Connection. And just last night, I attended an information session regarding the Friends First mentoring program through Mercy Home in Chicago. The Friends First program will match me with an at-risk youth to spend some time with during a few hours for 2-3 weekends per month. It's a pretty big time commitment, which is intimidating, but all I've been able to think about since the orientation is, "How can I not do this?"

***

Ok ok, so here is my confession: I hate my current job. HATE. IT. Most people I'm close with already know this, but it's not something I like to advertise. Until now. *Gulp* While I am very thankful to hold a job in this less than stellar economy, I'm completely miserable. I chose the wrong path in college, and for years I couldn't foresee a comprehensible way to change lanes. Until now.

So, after years of suffering at an unsatisfying job in Cubeville, USA, I have finally found the guts and motivation to change my career. But, it is not going to be easy. In fact, "Nothing of great value comes without great sacrifice." I'm not sure who originated that quote, but I heard it once in a movie, and now I live by it.

Allow me to explain: For years I have known that I have wanted to become an elementary school teacher. I have such an enormous compassion for kids, especially kids who come from unfortunate circumstances and don't have it so easy in life. I'm not sure where this undeniable compassion stems from, but the constant nagging feeling within me urging me to find a way to help them will not disappear. It just so happens that last spring, while perusing the Chicago Public Schools website, I came across a link to another site for the AUSL program though National Louis University. AUSL stands for Academy for Urban School Leadership, and they train teachers to teach in under-performing or failing Chicago public schools that have been newly turned-around. This program, should I get accepted after the rigorous application process, would allow me to obtain a Masters degree in Education.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not naive enough to think that this experience won't be extremely challenging, but I'm also not jaded enough to think that there is no hope for children coming from less than ideal community & home environments to succeed in life.

Last night, before the orientation began, I was speaking with another prospective Friends First volunteer, and we were discussing our backgrounds. After telling her about how I got to Chicago in the first place and how I wanted to become a teacher via the AUSL program, she told me that she thought it was awesome that after 10 years in the work force, I had finally found my calling. I paused for a second because I had never thought of my desire to become a teacher as a "calling," per se, but now I can't think of a better word for it.

Quote of the Day

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - Winnie the Pooh

My sweet cousin Elizabeth posted this as her Facebook status, and I thought it was totally appropriate for this blog. It couldn't be more true!

Pura Vida

One of my most cherished souvenirs from Costa Rica has to be the new knowledge I gained of another country's culture. I feel that the ideas regarding the Costa Rican way of living really fit nicely with the theme of this blog too, because they really take the time to enjoy the little, yet important, things in life. And they do this whenever it feels naturally to them, not because it's part of a schedule.

For example, the motto in Costa Rica is, "Pura Vida," which means, "pure life." Every Tico (local resident) I encountered seemed to embrace this idea to the fullest. "Pura Vida" is EVERYWHERE in Costa Rica. On t-shirts, on wood carvings, on restaurant menus, inserted into verbal greetings, etc., but it is probably most evident in the lifestyle of the Ticos.

One example I witnessed of "pura vida" in all of its glory occurred on one of the last days of our trip. We were sipping smoothies at Joe's when I observed one of the surf instructor's at Witch Rock Surf Camp waxing his board. Suddenly, a mango fell from the nearby mango tree and first landed on the board, then rolled & fell onto the ground. Without hesitation, the surf instructor stopped waxing and bent to scoop up the rogue mango. I watched him grab a hose to first rinse it off, then walk in the direction of the beach, sit down on a swing that was tied to a tree, and then fully enjoy his afternoon snack. I mean, this is a human who was pausing to truly enjoy the 'fruits' of life! What a concept! I couldn't help but be curious as to what he was thinking while he was eating that mango on that swing near the beach. I wondered if he was reflecting upon how fortunate he is to live in a tropical paradise. I wondered if he was thanking the heavens for his livelihood as a surf instructor. I wondered if he was gauging the waves for surf-ability. I wondered if he was simply and solely focused on the mango. I wondered if he was thinking about his family and friends, or a girlfriend. But the thing is, I'm STILL wondering these things. How can such a natural human action seem so awe-inspiring to me? Because this is an act not usually observed among city natives, sadly & unfortunately. *sigh*

But, as someone who has never had trouble taking time to smell the roses (I'm often accused of being spacey, in fact, but I swear it is usually just me pausing to reflect upon the moment), I adapted to the "pura vida" concept quite easily and naturally. I was happiest not knowing what time it was or what we were going to do next. We didn't have to be anywhere at a certain time (which probably did wonders for my blood pressure because I'm constantly rushing in my real life). I actually liked not having my cell phone with me at all times and not having instant access to the Internet. Because the distractions were kept to a minimum, I could really be fully present in each moment. I wish everyday life in America catered to this idea more. I think Americans would be a lot happier if so. Well, I bet we'd be a whole lot more relaxed and less stressed, at the very least.

Also, my friends and I discussed more than once during our trip how the people of Costa Rica, though mostly poor, are some of the happiest in the world. There is no "keeping up with the Jones's" concept in their culture. I remember studying Latin America culture in high school and learning that they are deeply committed to their families, and family is what makes them happiest. I also noticed that they really care about the health of their environment. There were recycling bins everywhere and it was easy to tell the ticos took great pride in the landscape. The landscape is indeed their playground, but one they treat with great love and respect.

Another observation I made in relation to the "pura vida" lifestyle in Costa Rica is the pride and appreciation they have for their livelihood, whatever it may be. An example that comes to mind is the conversation we had with our zip line guide, Rudolfo. One of us asked how long he had been working at the Sky Track, and he proudly rattled off, "6 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days." Well, I can't remember exactly how long it was, but he included that much detail. And I have a feeling he makes a great living doing that job. He gets to meet new people from all over the world every day, work outdoors, zip line until his heart is content AND make money all while doing so. No hunching over a 13 inch screen for 8 hours a day in a gray cubicle for him!

I'm not trying to say that Costa Rica is perfectly impeccable and the ultimate utopia, as I'm not naive to think the people of Costa Rica don't have their fair share of pain, suffering and social problems. But, it is a breathtakingly beautiful country where the people and their "pura vida" culture simply enhance that beauty.