Remember, I'm not only the Lonely Hearts Club president, but I'm also a client.
As I sit here at my computer with a glass of wine on the Saturday night before Valentine's Day feeling all Carrie Bradshaw-ish, I can't help but wonder: Am I ever going to freakin' date again???
It would be one thing if I were going on lots of dates and simply deciding that all those dudes are wrong for me, but it is quite another to not even be able to get a date!
As I am typing this, I'm reminded of a quote from Wayne's World where Wayne's ex-girlfriend gives him a gun rack for his birthday, and his response to receiving it is, "I don't even own a gun - let alone many guns - that would necessitate an entire rack." I'm thinking of it because I'm relating to the idea of someone handing me a little black book and me replying, "I don't even have a phone number - let alone many phone numbers - that would necessitate an entire black book."
Granted, I don't know who, in their right mind, would ever give a little black book as a gift, but hopefully you catch my drift.
Anyway, for most of my adult life, I have been single far more than I've been in a relationship, and that hasn't ever really bothered me. Being single certainly has it's perks! For example, eating cereal straight out of the box while watching crappy reality shows on TV with no judgement, creating disasters in the kitchen all in the name of experimentation, exchanging flirty glances with the handsome security guards at Target and taking far too much time to get ready for bed are all behaviors that make being single acceptable, and even kind of fun.
But what happens when it's no longer preferable to be single? In my 20's, getting a date was as simple as making eye contact with an attractive lad on the bus. In my 30's, however, something has changed.
Of course, I'm not naive enough to realize that the pool of dateable guys has certainly narrowed as I've been getting older, but I refuse to believe the pool has been completely depleted. Or, has it? I live in a city where I'm constantly surrounded by other people who are constantly out and about running errands, window shopping, commuting in groups, working out at the gym, etc. Yet, I don't seem to be approachable. And many times I feel too hesitant to approach someone because it really does seem that most guys around my age are already taken.
So, at 32 years old, have I missed the boat? Was it a huge mistake to reject the "good" guys of my past? Honestly, I don't think so. I really wasn't ready until recently to find someone with whom I could see spending the rest of my life. Well, perhaps I would have been ready before recently if I had only met the right person. But, who is that right person?
I've thought about it a lot, and I don't think I'm asking for too much. I've definitely learned what I don't want from all of the dating disasters of my past, and I've also formulated what I do want. In fact, here is a little list:
1. I need someone who can make me laugh. I genuinely believe that a little humor goes a long way.
2. I need someone who is on the same page as me, or is willing to compromise regarding what to eat for dinner, going out during a weekend, etc. I firmly believe that being on the same page is why I've maintained the friendships I've had for so long.
3. I need someone who is willing to share with me. I don't just mean his deepest thoughts and feelings, but I really need to know what the hell is going on in his life. I was with a person who intentionally withheld so much personal info that it ultimately destroyed us.
4. I need trust and honesty. Without those 2 crucial elements, a relationship, let alone a successful one, is impossible. Seems simple enough, but, unfortunately, I needed experience to drive this lesson home.
5. I need someone with character. I need someone to be nice to my friends, for instance. Even if he secretly doesn't like one of them, he needs to be respectful of my friendships, because they mean the world to me.
6. I need to be attracted to the person. I don't care if the rest of the world thinks he's a troll, I need to feel those tingles.
7. I need someone who is dependable. I don't mean someone who can carry out favors for me at every little request, but someone who does what he says he is going to do. I need someone who follows through with a commitment, in other words.
8. I need someone who is willing to get out of his comfort zone once and a while. I basically build my life around getting out of my comfort zone, no matter how insignificant it is to the big picture, so it would be nice to find someone who is also willing to do so and perhaps even willing to push me.
9. I need someone who is comfortable experiencing all of the emotions on the spectrum, but can also keep them rationally contained. I was once in a relationship with someone who had a tendency to be extremely negative and who had a temper, and that just didn't fly with me.
10. Finally, I don't think it is greedy for me to want someone who also knows how to "sweat the small stuff."
See, that isn't too much, right? Pretty standard, I think. And I truly feel as if I'm putting myself out there, so I don't know what I'm missing. Hopefully, something will click soon and I'll figure it out before the next Valentine's Day rolls around.
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