Despite my nonsensical behavior, I actually do realize that I can easily make those messages go buh-bye by simply being up front and honest. So why do I instead treat my message-infested phone like a hideous insect, yet refuse to blast it with a good dose of Raid?
Well, historically, the "up front and honest" method has backfired on me. No matter how honest I am, some guys just don't get the hint. I'll admit that I have a tendency to be slightly passive, but after some awkward bone throwing, I eventually make myself clear. The sad lads finally catch my long-winded drift, but as a consequence, I've been yelled at, I've been told (far too prematurely), "But, I love you!," and I've been accused of being too harsh. So either I'm instantly hated, or the desperate attempts ensue, only making the situation more uncomfortable than it has to be. No wonder I despise letting guys down.
Some dates, though, have been so mind-blowing bad that I'm simply left at a loss for words or am too traumatized to respond to any contact ever again - even when I could easily reply with a message of dump-age. For example, the intense German who put me in a headlock several times during our date in a "come here ol' buddy ol' pal" sort of way, then later picking me up and dropping me to the floor after misjudging the placement of the bar stool, did NOT deserve any communication post-date, in my opinion.
And the sportscaster who kissed me so hard that my lips were bruised the next day? He didn't deserve a polite "You are soooooo great but..." message either, but that's mostly because I was rendered speechless as well as fat-lipped. He was nice and all, but I just didn't have the motivation to teach a 30 year old a skill he should have mastered in high school.
Just a few months ago, on the third date with a pilot who invited me to a birthday party for a girl he met on Match.com (unknown to me beforehand, of course), Mr. Pilot tried to pick a fight with a dude who was hitting on one of his "girl" friends, and then he proceeded to get so insanely drunk that he couldn't sign his tab. This disappointing third date that followed two previous great dates left me so shocked that I couldn't even dream of what to say to him, so I chose to dive into a virtual bunker for protection from potential post-date communication attempts.
And most recently, after a date at a Cubs game, I couldn't bear to return the messages of a burly yet baby-faced dude with a thick Boston accent and a voice of a giant, mostly because every time his messages popped up on my phone, I instantly recalled him bragging about his "sex friendly" apartment, and this made me want to barf.
But then there were other guys who have committed no such offenses that I've still chosen to ignore rather than confront. For instance, no fault can be placed on the sweet guy with the exceptionally small frame that made me feel like I was more woman than he could handle, and whose tiny hand I nearly crushed during an awkward high five moment on our date. And the boring date with whom I had one drink in 1 hour and 38 minutes cannot be blamed for his bad personality, which I likened to that of a phone book.
Ignoring bad dates makes me feel bad. But confronting them also sucks the soul out of me. Dating is rough - I've always thought so! Are there rules set somewhere in stone saying that we have to consistently suffer until we meet the One and Only who will save us from the dating war zone? Perhaps it's evolutionary that bad dates are supposed to shuffle us along into monogamy, making us want to stay there. I can deal with the bad dates, as virtually every date be considered bad until you find the right mate. But couldn't we at least agree to lighten up on the rejection process a little? For the love of all that is holy, can't we soften the blow a bit?!?
By the time we hit our 30's, I feel there should be a dating code for rejection. The universal sign for "I'm just not that into you" should simply be ceased communication. I would actually prefer if a guy dumped me via ignoring me. The last thing I want to hear is an excuse, because whatever the excuse, women are smart enough by age 30 to know it's crap. (If you haven't learned this by your 30th birthday, then you should have been held back in grade twenty something until you did learn this!) If you really like someone, you're never "too busy" or things don't "just suddenly come up." Likewise, I don't need to hear the perfunctorily delivered speech that virtually always begins with, "I like you, BUT..." No, you don't like me. Otherwise you wouldn't be including a condition in your sentence. I don't like to hear excuses, and I equally despise giving them.
Although, while I totally "get it" and can very quickly move on when it's obvious a new guy isn't interested in me, I think some people
Of course, I don't think it would ever be socially acceptable to be this blunt, nor would I have the guts to pull it off considering my tendency to play hide-and-don't-seek, but if Ms. Patty Millionaire Matchmaker features my aforementioned graph idea on one of her TV episodes, I swear I'm suing the Louboutins off of her.
