I purchased new workout clothes last night to avoid doing laundry for one... more... day.
Lazy, but not lazy. Y'know?
I'd rather call off from my job due to nothing to wear than skip a workout just because all of my sports bras are in the hamper.
Speaking of my job, I'm in desperate need of new clothes for work. It dawned on me this morning that I've owned the black pants I'm wearing now for SEVEN years! In fact, the button only just fell off a few minutes ago - oddly, after I started typing this post.
But I always find that I would much rather purchase new clothes for the gym instead. So, I do.
And yet, I truly believe my priorities are in order.
I dream of a life where yoga pants replace work slacks. And I think I can make that dream a reality...
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Grabbing the Bull by the Balls
I can't help but wonder how much further along I'd be in life had I adopted the philosophy to "grab the bull by the balls" sooner. My girlfriends and I were discussing this idea in a somewhat literal sense a couple weekends ago (hee hee), but I think it applies to getting what I want out of life too!
Anyway, I'm desperate to make a change, and I'm tired of using the excuse that "it's not the right time." But if not now, then when? I ain't gettin' any younger. But I am still young, and there hasn't been better time to overhaul my life than right now.
For years I've been standing on the sidelines watching others get what I want. Well, it's time to get what I want too, no matter what I have to do to get it, dammit.
I'm tired of hating my soul-sucking job. I'm even more tired of complaining about it. I'm tired of not having the time and money to travel. I'm tired of being disappointed by love. Basically, I'm tired of not living the life I had imagined.
Instead of being well-traveled, having a fulfilling job, a great boyfriend, and thoroughly living the exciting big-city life I had envisioned growing up, I feel as though my life has slowly plateaued since I risked moving from a small town to a big city a decade ago. A decade ago. It's time to take a giant leap forward again, don't you think? I'm well overdue.
So what's holding me back? Moving to Chicago from Cuyahoga Falls was terrifying because I had no job, no place to live, barely any money, and I barely knew anyone. But when I reflect upon that time in my life, I don't think about the perpetual nausea I felt from being constantly worried that I wouldn't "make it." Instead, I remember how excited I was that I was experiencing great change and working toward making my dream come true. I may have been terribly naive, but I was also extremely open, ready, and willing to embrace any challenge I faced. Refusing the option to "give up" was the secret to my success. I desperately need to channel the risk-taker in myself again. I know she's in there. Somewhere.
I did attempt a risk by trying the whole career overhaul thing in the recent past, but I stupidly let that one failure knock me down without ever making an attempt to get back up, brush myself off, and move on to the next option. And I know I saved money for plans to travel to Italy last year, but was slapped with a $5k dentist bill instead. And the love thing? Well, unfortunately, that's not totally in my control, but I do tend to unnecessarily shut down following each disappointment.
However, I know that I need to change my attitude in order to change my life. For instance, nobody is telling me that I have to sit behind a desk crunching numbers all day, so why the f#$% am I doing it? Also, it's not like Italy is going anywhere, so why not take comfort in that fact? And instead of declaring Spinsterhood, why not choose instead to keep my heart open with the hope that I'll eventually find myself in a flurry of reciprocated feelings with someone?
Change is very scary, but I'm far more terrified of one day regretting the risks I didn't take. I've let failure and disappointment control my life for way too long.
Don't get me wrong, though, I have made a ton of progress in the last decade, and I'm still so in love with Chicago and the people I've met since moving here. I've discovered and fostered many passions while living here too, making me a better and more well-rounded person. I may loathe my job and the company I work for, but I have been promoted several times in the eight years I've been with them. In fact, doubling my salary since I started my job has allowed me to pay off credit cards and become very fiscally responsible. And although I haven't been to Europe yet, I am thankful for the amazing travel experiences I have had in the past decade. I'm also thankful for the lessons I've learned from each failed relationship, despite having to learn from the same mistakes several times.
I've learned so much and have grown tremendously since being that naive newcomer with big city dreams ten years ago, but it's time to take all that work I put into myself and convert it into action for reaching some new, beyond-my-wildest-dreams goals. I've built a very sturdy foundation, and it's time to build something wonderful upon it. I have the energy & motivation, but I just need a plan. Actually, by finally allowing myself to listen to my heart, I've happily discovered that I already have one.
And while I'm very lucky that I am strong enough to be able to find the good in every situation, I am more than ready to find the GREAT in me.
Anyway, I'm desperate to make a change, and I'm tired of using the excuse that "it's not the right time." But if not now, then when? I ain't gettin' any younger. But I am still young, and there hasn't been better time to overhaul my life than right now.
For years I've been standing on the sidelines watching others get what I want. Well, it's time to get what I want too, no matter what I have to do to get it, dammit.
I'm tired of hating my soul-sucking job. I'm even more tired of complaining about it. I'm tired of not having the time and money to travel. I'm tired of being disappointed by love. Basically, I'm tired of not living the life I had imagined.
Instead of being well-traveled, having a fulfilling job, a great boyfriend, and thoroughly living the exciting big-city life I had envisioned growing up, I feel as though my life has slowly plateaued since I risked moving from a small town to a big city a decade ago. A decade ago. It's time to take a giant leap forward again, don't you think? I'm well overdue.
So what's holding me back? Moving to Chicago from Cuyahoga Falls was terrifying because I had no job, no place to live, barely any money, and I barely knew anyone. But when I reflect upon that time in my life, I don't think about the perpetual nausea I felt from being constantly worried that I wouldn't "make it." Instead, I remember how excited I was that I was experiencing great change and working toward making my dream come true. I may have been terribly naive, but I was also extremely open, ready, and willing to embrace any challenge I faced. Refusing the option to "give up" was the secret to my success. I desperately need to channel the risk-taker in myself again. I know she's in there. Somewhere.
I did attempt a risk by trying the whole career overhaul thing in the recent past, but I stupidly let that one failure knock me down without ever making an attempt to get back up, brush myself off, and move on to the next option. And I know I saved money for plans to travel to Italy last year, but was slapped with a $5k dentist bill instead. And the love thing? Well, unfortunately, that's not totally in my control, but I do tend to unnecessarily shut down following each disappointment.
However, I know that I need to change my attitude in order to change my life. For instance, nobody is telling me that I have to sit behind a desk crunching numbers all day, so why the f#$% am I doing it? Also, it's not like Italy is going anywhere, so why not take comfort in that fact? And instead of declaring Spinsterhood, why not choose instead to keep my heart open with the hope that I'll eventually find myself in a flurry of reciprocated feelings with someone?
Change is very scary, but I'm far more terrified of one day regretting the risks I didn't take. I've let failure and disappointment control my life for way too long.
Don't get me wrong, though, I have made a ton of progress in the last decade, and I'm still so in love with Chicago and the people I've met since moving here. I've discovered and fostered many passions while living here too, making me a better and more well-rounded person. I may loathe my job and the company I work for, but I have been promoted several times in the eight years I've been with them. In fact, doubling my salary since I started my job has allowed me to pay off credit cards and become very fiscally responsible. And although I haven't been to Europe yet, I am thankful for the amazing travel experiences I have had in the past decade. I'm also thankful for the lessons I've learned from each failed relationship, despite having to learn from the same mistakes several times.
I've learned so much and have grown tremendously since being that naive newcomer with big city dreams ten years ago, but it's time to take all that work I put into myself and convert it into action for reaching some new, beyond-my-wildest-dreams goals. I've built a very sturdy foundation, and it's time to build something wonderful upon it. I have the energy & motivation, but I just need a plan. Actually, by finally allowing myself to listen to my heart, I've happily discovered that I already have one.
And while I'm very lucky that I am strong enough to be able to find the good in every situation, I am more than ready to find the GREAT in me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Light Inside the Tunnel
Reason #456,897 why I love my city:
This trio is my favorite of the "regular" subway performers I see every week. They usually sing old school songs like "Mamma Said" and "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" with impeccable harmony and unique arrangements, but they busted out their own special rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus" for this little guy, who was smiling and dancing the whole time. Witnessing this moment just made me so happy. I didn't even care that I had to let two overcrowded trains come and go by before I could get on one.
I love that Chicago has the ability to ignite joy within an otherwise ordinary, unremarkable, average Tuesday.
This trio is my favorite of the "regular" subway performers I see every week. They usually sing old school songs like "Mamma Said" and "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" with impeccable harmony and unique arrangements, but they busted out their own special rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus" for this little guy, who was smiling and dancing the whole time. Witnessing this moment just made me so happy. I didn't even care that I had to let two overcrowded trains come and go by before I could get on one.
I love that Chicago has the ability to ignite joy within an otherwise ordinary, unremarkable, average Tuesday.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Training Wheels
I think the reason I'm so enamored with working out at the gym is because fitness is never finished. Every accomplishment only leads to a new goal. Working out is one activity in this world where your potential to achieve is virtually limitless! And for people who prefer the journey to the destination, the gym is the perfect place to enjoy the ride.
For me, there is no better feeling than climbing into bed at night after a tough workout and experiencing the burnout sensation that feels like my muscles are melting into the mattress. That's the moment when I'm free to acknowledge my most important accomplishment of the day.
As I briefly mentioned in this post, I joined a brand new gym back in September because it was less expensive and offered more amenities than my last gym. And it didn't take long before I adjusted to a consistent fitness regimen that was similar to the one at my previous gym. It also didn't take long to begin exchanging "hellos" with a certain personal trainer I'd see upon each visit.
And after a few months, that certain personal trainer came up to me one day and literally took over my work out. And I haven't been on own at the gym since. Even when I'm without his assistance, I always feel constant support from him and never feel alone.
As someone who had previously been very confident with her workouts and who very much preferred solitude at the gym, allowing someone else to take over my most cherished and coveted time of the day was out of character for me. But to my surprise, letting Fabian take charge felt like the most natural interruption in the world. And, well, he is easy on the eyes, so I'll admit that the decision to surrender control wasn't really an issue.
Anyway, I've always been good about pushing myself regarding fitness. Before I met my trainer, I'd consistently participate in group fitness classes, for example. I'd also average 5 workouts a week and stick to a healthy diet. I really never saw a need for a personal trainer. But my whole workout routine dramatically changed once I began training with one.
Contradictory feelings come to mind when I think about my sessions with Fabian. But experiencing each combination of these contradictory feelings strikes a rich balance, always leaving me feeling centered after every workout. In fact, improving balance and stability was one of my goals when I began training, but I had no idea that this goal would apply both mentally and physically.
For example, being pushed by someone other than myself (and therefore not being held back by false limitations) can be extremely humbling, yet conquering any given challenge is a tremendous confidence boost.
Another example of contradiction occurs when I try new exercises or switch to heavier weights, because although the challenge makes me feel extremely vulnerable, it's also when I feel the strongest. Similarly, I've learned to surrender to each new movement, yet simultaneously control it. And relaxing my demeanor while working to fatigue my muscles at the same time may sound counteractive, but it's necessary for success.
Like the lessons I often write about from yoga, experiencing these contradictory feelings is positively affecting my attitude outside of the gym as well. I also think that the biggest mental reward I've gained from training is how I've learned to turn reluctance into willingness by swapping "I can't" for "I can" regarding all of the goals I'm working toward in life.
Additionally, I've been hurled out of my comfort zone a million times over since I began training, and not just regarding strength workouts. For instance, I used to prefer the anonymity of group fitness classes. And now I share the same training floor with the "dudes," even when Fabian isn't by my side. It can be intimidating at times, especially when I make a bonehead move like dropping a tiny doughnut weight and chasing it like a doofus while it rolls across the floor. (It never fails - this type of shit usually occurs the exact moment I start feeling cocky!). But it's also a huge ego boost when a big, muscly dude compliments my hard work or tells me, "That looks difficult."
Also, it used to be that if I didn't know how to use a certain machine, then I wouldn't go near it. Now I'm asking the guys to trade off sets with me. Granted, the weight has to be dramatically changed each time it's my turn, but the guys are very respectful of my gym time too, and even take it upon themselves to adjust the weight for me. I think they must know better than to mess with this skinny white girl!
Finally, it may seem odd that anyone could be so in love with an activity where the "training wheels" never really come off, but for me, there is no better motivation than knowing that fitness is never finished.
For me, there is no better feeling than climbing into bed at night after a tough workout and experiencing the burnout sensation that feels like my muscles are melting into the mattress. That's the moment when I'm free to acknowledge my most important accomplishment of the day.
As I briefly mentioned in this post, I joined a brand new gym back in September because it was less expensive and offered more amenities than my last gym. And it didn't take long before I adjusted to a consistent fitness regimen that was similar to the one at my previous gym. It also didn't take long to begin exchanging "hellos" with a certain personal trainer I'd see upon each visit.
And after a few months, that certain personal trainer came up to me one day and literally took over my work out. And I haven't been on own at the gym since. Even when I'm without his assistance, I always feel constant support from him and never feel alone.
As someone who had previously been very confident with her workouts and who very much preferred solitude at the gym, allowing someone else to take over my most cherished and coveted time of the day was out of character for me. But to my surprise, letting Fabian take charge felt like the most natural interruption in the world. And, well, he is easy on the eyes, so I'll admit that the decision to surrender control wasn't really an issue.
Anyway, I've always been good about pushing myself regarding fitness. Before I met my trainer, I'd consistently participate in group fitness classes, for example. I'd also average 5 workouts a week and stick to a healthy diet. I really never saw a need for a personal trainer. But my whole workout routine dramatically changed once I began training with one.
Contradictory feelings come to mind when I think about my sessions with Fabian. But experiencing each combination of these contradictory feelings strikes a rich balance, always leaving me feeling centered after every workout. In fact, improving balance and stability was one of my goals when I began training, but I had no idea that this goal would apply both mentally and physically.
For example, being pushed by someone other than myself (and therefore not being held back by false limitations) can be extremely humbling, yet conquering any given challenge is a tremendous confidence boost.
Another example of contradiction occurs when I try new exercises or switch to heavier weights, because although the challenge makes me feel extremely vulnerable, it's also when I feel the strongest. Similarly, I've learned to surrender to each new movement, yet simultaneously control it. And relaxing my demeanor while working to fatigue my muscles at the same time may sound counteractive, but it's necessary for success.
Like the lessons I often write about from yoga, experiencing these contradictory feelings is positively affecting my attitude outside of the gym as well. I also think that the biggest mental reward I've gained from training is how I've learned to turn reluctance into willingness by swapping "I can't" for "I can" regarding all of the goals I'm working toward in life.
Additionally, I've been hurled out of my comfort zone a million times over since I began training, and not just regarding strength workouts. For instance, I used to prefer the anonymity of group fitness classes. And now I share the same training floor with the "dudes," even when Fabian isn't by my side. It can be intimidating at times, especially when I make a bonehead move like dropping a tiny doughnut weight and chasing it like a doofus while it rolls across the floor. (It never fails - this type of shit usually occurs the exact moment I start feeling cocky!). But it's also a huge ego boost when a big, muscly dude compliments my hard work or tells me, "That looks difficult."
Also, it used to be that if I didn't know how to use a certain machine, then I wouldn't go near it. Now I'm asking the guys to trade off sets with me. Granted, the weight has to be dramatically changed each time it's my turn, but the guys are very respectful of my gym time too, and even take it upon themselves to adjust the weight for me. I think they must know better than to mess with this skinny white girl!
Finally, it may seem odd that anyone could be so in love with an activity where the "training wheels" never really come off, but for me, there is no better motivation than knowing that fitness is never finished.
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