Years ago I was going through a tough time in my life where I was desperately unhappy with my job and suffering from a serious financial crisis. I felt incredibly sad and angry for being in such a terrible life situation, yet I couldn't stop my feelings of hopelessness and despair, and therefore I couldn't find the motivation to find my way out of my rut.
I also felt upset that I felt so low and that I wasn't automatically able to "get over it" no matter how hard I tried. I recall having a dream around that time that I had fallen into a sink hole, but instead of screaming for help and fighting for a way out, I just stayed there. Calm. Unable to move. I allowed myself to relax and didn't bother putting up a fight. I trusted that if I were meant to find a way out, I'd find a way out. That dream was very alarming to me at the time, and I wondered if I was in fact ready to give up on life.
But not long after that dream, I allowed myself to calm down and relax in my waking life despite whatever troubles I was experiencing, and instead of giving up, I eventually found the motivation to take action.
Why do we as humans always feel so guilty for experiencing negative feelings from time to time though? Why do we insist on shelving our negative emotions, when our emotions are true and authentic and beg to be experienced? The more we resist our true feelings, the longer they are perpetuated, making us feel too paralyzed to take action. I have the tendency to do this to myself a lot.
I'm going through another tough time in my life, and I'll admit I've been stewing over things that are wrong instead of appreciating things that are right. I've felt pressure to take action to fix things even with having zero idea of what steps to take. As a result, I've been feeling paralyzed again. Stuck in a rut.
But this weekend I recalled the book I read last summer called, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now suggests embracing whatever we are feeling at any given time. By giving in to our feelings, we go through them, not over them, which leads us to clear our minds and regain a positive attitude. Embracing our feelings, no matter how unpleasant, validates them, but also makes us realize we don't want to feel them for too long, and therefore compels us to take action.
I also read a few articles this weekend about the positive side to losing your shit and the importance of practicing emotional first aid. I've been so quick to panic and worry about my life situation, and then quick to panic and worry because I'm feeling so down. But I forgot that I'm not the only one to experience this kind of thing.
I also forgot that Stephanie Madden doesn't simply believe in "getting over it," which is a very harsh and unattainable idea. If it were so easy to "get over it," then psychologists and self help books wouldn't exist. I think one needs to "go through it" in order to come out stronger. At least I find that it helps me to "go through it" in order to rekindle my motivation to move forward and achieve.
So, for the last few days I chose to allow myself to ignore everything and just feel whatever I was feeling, no matter how unpleasant. And a funny thing happened as a consequence. I woke up this beautiful Sunday morning with a strong desire to accomplish, create, and cross things off my To Do list. I didn't feel hopeless this morning, I felt hopeful. I felt positive that I would have a productive day, and I did. I'm not 100% in the clear of negative emotions, but not being perfectly content is what makes us want to move forward in the first place. Pushing everything aside until I was ready to face it properly was an important exercise for me in not letting myself spiral out of control into a sinkhole of sadness.
As with strength training, actual strength is gained during recovery. The very same principle applies to life. With a little R&R and emotional first aid, it is possible recover ourselves and find our way out of a rut.
It's important (although not easy) to let everything go that isn't totally in your control and trust in yourself and God that things will eventually turn around. They always do. Things always turn around when you are emotionally ready and willing to find the energy to turn negative into positive.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Decidedly Undecided
I hate making decisions. I'm a Libra, so it makes perfect sense that I crave balance and have trouble choosing one thing over another, as I'm constantly weighing the pros and cons of all my choices. Having to make decisions drives me crazy, and I'm never fully convinced I made the right choice anyway, which can be totally depressing.
I realized recently that being a kid means not having to make decisions, yet it still means being able to fully enjoy an ever-changing and evolving life. For instance, as a kid you go from 7th grade to 8th grade, you transition from middle school to high school, you always get a break during summer, you don't have to decide what's for dinner, etc.
But being an adult means constantly seeking the motivation to evolve. Even when you know your current situation is stagnant or unsatisfying and that it's simply time to move on, the mere thought of the process required for change is very daunting when you have no idea what you should do next.
How do we figure out what to do with no instructions laid out before us? How do we know that whatever we choose won't be a total bonehead move loaded with repercussions that will take too long to reverse? We don't know. We'll never know. Because there is no set transition from 30th grade to 31st grade with a customary summer break in between or whatever.
When I was miserable working in Corporate America, every idea I had to change was usually shot down when I began to research my options. For example, more schooling would be too costly, doing such and such would pay too little, etc.
But several years ago I decided to jump ship anyway to become a personal trainer, fully knowing that I would be making less money in my new career. I've managed to survive, but barely.
This time, however, my desire to change warrants more opportunities for me because I am a fitness professional, but I am overwhelmed at the thought of where to begin to make a change. I'd love to be an independent trainer, but I'm worried that my ever-fluctuating self-confidence would get in my way of sustaining a successful business. That, and relying on others for my income is an already scary reality I deal with at my current job in a big box gym where clients are abundant, but not always consistent.
So how do I believe in myself more? How do I develop the perpetual self-confidence it takes to be my own boss? I've always pictured business owners as confident, aggressive, perpetually self-motivated people who don't know the meaning of self-doubt, and I feel as if I am the direct opposite of all those things.
I feel like I have no business running my own business and maybe I should just learn to get comfortable with being told what to do for the rest of my working years. Maybe I need to accept that there will always be someone above me making money off of my efforts while I earn a paltry sum for my hard work.
Cripes. That sounds so fucking miserable.
...Aaaaand I think I found my motivation.
I realized recently that being a kid means not having to make decisions, yet it still means being able to fully enjoy an ever-changing and evolving life. For instance, as a kid you go from 7th grade to 8th grade, you transition from middle school to high school, you always get a break during summer, you don't have to decide what's for dinner, etc.
But being an adult means constantly seeking the motivation to evolve. Even when you know your current situation is stagnant or unsatisfying and that it's simply time to move on, the mere thought of the process required for change is very daunting when you have no idea what you should do next.
How do we figure out what to do with no instructions laid out before us? How do we know that whatever we choose won't be a total bonehead move loaded with repercussions that will take too long to reverse? We don't know. We'll never know. Because there is no set transition from 30th grade to 31st grade with a customary summer break in between or whatever.
When I was miserable working in Corporate America, every idea I had to change was usually shot down when I began to research my options. For example, more schooling would be too costly, doing such and such would pay too little, etc.
But several years ago I decided to jump ship anyway to become a personal trainer, fully knowing that I would be making less money in my new career. I've managed to survive, but barely.
This time, however, my desire to change warrants more opportunities for me because I am a fitness professional, but I am overwhelmed at the thought of where to begin to make a change. I'd love to be an independent trainer, but I'm worried that my ever-fluctuating self-confidence would get in my way of sustaining a successful business. That, and relying on others for my income is an already scary reality I deal with at my current job in a big box gym where clients are abundant, but not always consistent.
So how do I believe in myself more? How do I develop the perpetual self-confidence it takes to be my own boss? I've always pictured business owners as confident, aggressive, perpetually self-motivated people who don't know the meaning of self-doubt, and I feel as if I am the direct opposite of all those things.
I feel like I have no business running my own business and maybe I should just learn to get comfortable with being told what to do for the rest of my working years. Maybe I need to accept that there will always be someone above me making money off of my efforts while I earn a paltry sum for my hard work.
Cripes. That sounds so fucking miserable.
...Aaaaand I think I found my motivation.
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