Dear Chicago,
I never told you the story of how I learned of your existence, but after twelve and a half years of our relationship together, it's probably time to share. You see, during my sophomore year in college in Canton, Ohio, my three roommates and I were trying to come up with a road trip destination. One of my roommates suggested visiting the city of Chicago. Not even knowing where you fell on the map of the United States, I responded with, "Chicago? Isn't it cold there?" The only other fact I knew about Chicago was that The Oprah Winfrey Show was taped there. We ended up road-tripping to the great state of Pennsylvania that year.
Then, during my senior year of college, my brother's girlfriend's brother moved to Chicago. So, my brother, his girlfriend, and I decided to head to Chicago to visit him during New Year's Eve of 2001. As I suspected, I learned just how cold you are upon my arrival. That being a time in my life when I refused to wear a coat during a night out on the town, I have no idea (except maybe that my brain froze) how I decided that I wanted to move to your chilly wilderness of a city. But, something attracted me. I couldn't pinpoint the attraction at the time, but I felt strongly in my heart that Chicago was where I needed to live.
I moved over 12 years ago and we still find ourselves in a steady relationship. Not married, not divorced, but a steady relationship that has endured plenty of ups and downs. Over the years you have become more than just a city in my eyes. You are a force of nature that has beaten me to within an inch of my life at times, yet at other times you've pushed me hard to want to be a better me.
Enough time has passed that the initial infatuation has worn off though, and I've been seeing the real you for a few years now. When your Spanx are removed and your make-up is washed off, Chicago, you are not all that pretty. I have to admit that when I'm staring down the real you, I often wonder if the appeal is even still there. Although I've been dealing with your flaws for some time now, I'm slowly learning to forgive them.
But you can be SUCH an asshole, sometimes, Chicago. For one, your weather totally blows. How is it that you are always, ALWAYS windy?! Even on seemingly beautiful spring days, you annoy the fuck out of me, you breezy bastard. And suuuureee, public transportation always SEEMS like the best option, but it's slow as fuck. How is it that it takes me one hour to get from my home to work when I take the train, but it takes a mere 20 minutes when I hail an expensive ass cab? Real efficient, jerk. And don't get me started on the smelly train cars. And checking the seat for foreign substances prior to sitting my tush down has become second nature. So gross.
BUT, there is always surprise around every corner, and maybe that's how and why I stay interested. You always keep me on my toes, Chicago. I've lived in three neighborhoods since I moved here 12 years ago, and I've explored countless others. Wandering aimlessly through your captivating corridors fills me with joy. It's one of the few times I don't think about looking at my phone. It's when I get inspired to write, to do more, to be more. Just looking at your various buildings and dreaming of the history they possess causes my mind to drift for hours on end imagining what it might have been like to walk the streets and inhabit those buildings in the 30's, 60's, etc.
You fill me with wonder and dreams, Chicago. You are never boring, and therefore my life is never boring. We've toughed out the hard times together and we've more than appropriately celebrated the good times. As much as I felt you were throwing rocks at me during certain times in my life, there were plenty of other times where you were my rock to lean on and support me. My feelings for you will always be mixed, but isn't variety the spice of life? Regardless, my time with you has been a positive experience, even when many situations didn't seem so positive when I was experiencing them. I know I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today if you weren't the backdrop for my life, Chicago.
The only reason I've ever felt stuck or trapped in a life situation is because you continuously show me that there is more out there. More for me to do, to see, to be. If I had continued living in a small town, I wouldn't know anything bigger than the existence I had always known since I was born. But even though living in a big city makes me feel small, it constantly reminds me that there is always plenty of room to grow.
I'm not sure how much time left we'll have together, Chicago. Life can take me elsewhere or I'll decide that you may not be the right fit for me anymore. But until then, cheers to our adventures together!
Love,
Stephanie
