When I started this blog nearly 7 years ago, I was a naive 31 year old trying to get my voice heard in a big city full of big personalities. Being loud wasn't my thing, but I found out that writing was. I think back to the person I was almost 7 years ago and I think about how that girl was more of a child than a grown ass woman - a "late-bloomer," if you will. Truth be told, I still tend to relate to women 10 years younger than me, as proved by the fact that most of my clients are 27 year old women. Intelligent, bad-ass women, mind you.
Anyway, 6 years ago I was still stuck in a crappy job, for example, that I was too intelligent for, although I didn't believe so at the time and would remain stuck there for a few more years. I tried being a teacher, an experience I documented in this very blog. That experience was a stepping stone for so many big changes to come, and I don't regret it at all.
6 years ago I was also still trying to be more extroverted than I am, because that was the personality type preferred by most of my friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, dates, and society. I hadn't yet gained the confidence to give everyone the middle finger and resolve to be myself.
I was also obsessed with thinking that I was less than because I was single and not married or in a serious relationship like most people I knew at the time. Back then it never occurred to me to entertain the idea that maybe I enjoyed being single. Like, preferred being single. Instead, I frequently went on meaningless dates with people because I thought that all women in their early 30's were scrambling to find a husband, paranoid that all the good ones were already gone. But of course no suitor ever fit the bill, because deep down I knew marriage was not something I really wanted for myself.
I still considered having or adopting kids at that time to appease potential boyfriends, but have since admitted that it's totally fucking acceptable to not want kids. Ever. I will never apologize for the fact that my womb cringes and recoils at the thought of parenthood. I am not less than a woman for not wanting kids, and if you think so, you are ignorant and close-minded.
In the last 6 years I have grown up a lot. My life was very stationary for years before I started the blog, and has since been very up and down, rich with experience and revelation. I wouldn't trade any of my dark, depressing periods for good because of what I learned having had to deal with such challenging times.
One of the most positive experiences I've had since I started this blog was volunteering as a mentor for 3 years for a girl in a disadvantaged neighborhood in Chicago. I gained innumerable insights and the guts to get out of my comfort zone on the regular, which contributed to many other positive changes in my life.
I changed careers 4 years ago, a move that nearly destroyed me even though I maintain it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I lost a friendship along the way, which has also nearly destroyed me. I attribute that loss to ramifications of the career change, but also because I have since chosen to embrace my rare personality and live an unconventional life, which means I'm very misunderstood most of the time.
I have transitioned to becoming my own boss just this year, which was the most wonderful change of all. Pure autonomy is the way I was born to work, and all the energy I sacrificed while working in the corporate big box gym has since been restored. I'm getting out and doing things again, and my quality of life has improved immensely in just a few months.
I've moved several times since starting this blog. 4 different buildings, in fact. I lived with a boyfriend and endured a very challenging and tumultuous relationship, but am very thankful since moving out that somehow we manage to be best friends to this day. Most people don't understand our relationship, but I don't need them to understand. At this point in my life, I do not feel like defending myself. I do not see the world in black and white, and I think it's an ignorant mindset to do so.
I've been a bunny mama for 2 years now, and pet ownership has changed my life in only positive ways. I love caring for my bunnies and I also love the fact that I'll never have to pay for their braces or college education.
Since starting this blog, I've battled moving back to Ohio and staying in the big city that has become synonymous with my chosen lifestyle. And yet, I have finally chosen to leave my beloved big city to be closer to my family instead. That change hasn't happened quite yet, but the choice to do so has been a tumultuous ride in and of itself. How will an unmarried, child-free woman survive in the suburbs? These are real fears of mine.
Because I have evolved so much and see myself as a very different individual than the one who started this blog, I have chosen to end it. This is not the end of my writing, however. I am starting a new blog that will be a bit more specific in nature regarding the life I've chosen for myself as an unmarried, child-free woman. In college I was fascinated by early 20th century feminism, and that that fascination has been resurrected ever since I embraced this unconventional life I have chosen for myself. I am very happy and very fulfilled by my choices. The new blog is not a way for me to justify my lifestyle, but to celebrate it and hopefully a way to find my tribe. I know we are rare, but I also know we are not alone.
I'm not sure if anyone still reads this blog, but if so, this will be my last post here. If you'd like to follow my new blog, you can find me over at www.thenewwomanorder.wordpress.com
