Boarding the Crazy Train

Okay so I've thought of approximately one million clever post titles involving the word, "train." This time, however, I'm not writing about my experience as a personal trainer, but rather about my experience with my own intense training program. I've come a long way since this post about my initial sessions with my trainer, Fabian, and I'm excited (if not just a little terrified) to see where I'm heading.

During the months since my last post about my training, I've been making my way through various phases of a strength program in order to be developed into the best athlete I can be. Each phase is more difficult than the last, and each causes me to reevaluate my sanity. The latest and most intense phase will be kicking my running action into high gear so that I will ultimately be prepared for the Hot Chocolate 15k race here in Chicago in November. The program consists of a 90 minute torso strength workout, a 90 minute lower body strength workout, and a 60 minute arm strength workout. As if that doesn't sound crazy enough, I also have to incorporate various prescribed running workouts 6 days a week. And I'm hell bent on squeezing yoga in there too. It's a good thing I work in a gym, eh?

I'm not sure how I'm going to pull this off, but I'm determined to do so. I've been warned that this level of training is going to "fuck with my head," so I need to prepare for the mental abuse. In fact, Fabian has also prescribed reading materials to help me through the mental hurdles.

As I've gradually begun to take this type of training more seriously, I've had to give up things that I love, and begin incorporating things that I don't love so much. For example, I've (mostly) given up alcohol. Because alcohol takes precedence over other nutrients in the body while being digested, it's best if I avoid it while my muscles recover from these workouts. I've also given up coffee, which nearly brings me to tears as I type this. Even though I work out a ton, I've been having trouble sleeping for a long time. Apparently, caffeine gets in the way of the recovery of my nervous system after an intense workout. Although it was a hard habit to break, I'm not nearly as tired as I thought I'd be during the day, and I'm sleeping soooo much better. Also, I used to eat meat (only prepared at a restaurant) once or twice a week. Now, despite my grimaces due to being grossed out from squishy raw flesh, I've morphed into a serious carnivore and am preparing meat for every meal in order to obtain the various amino acids to aid in my muscle repair and development.

That's another thing - I have to eat soooo much! And just when I think I'm eating enough, I'm told to eat more. Eating like an Olympian is time consuming and expensive. I'm hungry in under two hour intervals, and it's as if my metabolism is an infant that will start throwing a fit if I'm not readily prepared with a bottle to tame it. You must be confused as to how this is a problem. But keeping up with my warp speed metabolic rate is really exhausting, y'all! And it's not like I'm eating pizza and ice cream any time I want. It's ALL healthy grub. (Nutella straight out of the jar is considered healthy, right?)

Fabian is also super hard on me, and while my first instinct is to get defensive (a hard habit to break, I'm finding), I have to remember that he's only trying to drill things into my head, and so I need to shut up and listen. And while it drives me absolutely fucking crazy when he gives me 900 million instructions only to follow up by saying yelling "Don't think about it!," I know he's just trying to get me out of my head, which is my biggest problem in all areas of my life. I'm slowly learning not to take his strict coaching personally, but it's difficult. But I know he believes in me. And I also know that his belief in me doesn't mean squat unless I believe in myself.

And speaking of squat, I have the nastiest bruises on my thighs from using my hip power to lift nearly 75% of my body weight! Ouch! I generated zero sympathy when I brought this to Fabian's attention, so I'm also learning to shut up and silently deal with the war wounds.

So by now you must think I'm nuts. I mean, I sort of do. I feel as if I'm training for the Olympics yet there is no pot of gold medals at the end of this rainbow. So why the fuck am I doing this? Why would I give up some of my favorite simple pleasures, stuff my face with food I don't entirely enjoy, and voluntarily allow myself to get screamed at just to become a better runner?

Well, for me it's not just about becoming a "better runner." It's about working to become a better version of myself every day. It's about consistently moving forward instead of being stuck in the same place. And vowing to be better today than I was yesterday requires an intense amount of discipline.

Fabian says that coaching me through this type of training is an experiment for him. But it's an experiment for me too, dammit. For most of my life I have let fear, doubt, and the self-manifested negative perceptions of myself control my life. Yes, I recently made a career change, which was incredibly brave, and for which I'm truly proud, but the only way I'll be successful with my new career is if I learn to believe in myself, face my fears, and rise to challenges every day. Additionally, the only way I'll ever finally find myself in a successful relationship is if I can be mentally strong enough to demand respect and fully believe that I deserve it.

What I'm hoping to get out of this training (in addition to a sick race time!) is the ability to push through barriers without thinking twice. I think this training can get me there. It may break me down, but I'll get stronger as I repair and rebuild - not unlike the physical characteristics of our muscles becoming stronger.

"If you're facing your fears, then you're pointed in the right direction" - heard on a Nike commercial during the Olympics