Is it possible for one's heart to be in two places at one time? For the first time in my life, I feel as though my heart is in both Chicago and Northeast Ohio. I know it's probably because I know I'm leaving, and because it's summertime, but I'm becoming really sad about leaving Chicago. I am a city girl, through and through. Of course, then there are days when I just want peace and quiet and the ability to see my family or go hiking whenever I want.
I grew up in Northeast Ohio, but I fully grew into myself in Chicago. I like how I turned out. Chicago has never coddled or enabled me. I can now fully appreciate that Chicago provided enough tough love to help mold me into the strong-willed, assertive, non-shit taking, open-minded, kind, independent, and compassionate woman that I am today. I can say with certainty that I wouldn't be who I am today had I stayed in Ohio. It has been one big adventure in the big city, which was what I had always wanted. I just didn't realize that adventure would usually be difficult but always intended to help me.
I find myself walking around lately wondering how I'm going to leave this little neighborhood that I love. I wonder what it's going to be like to look out my window and not see tall buildings all around me. I wonder how I'm going to say good-bye to Fabian and I wonder how I'm going to live without him. I'm so happy with my newfound career autonomy, and I wonder if I'm going to be able to maintain the same sort of autonomy in Ohio.
At this point in time, I am the happiest I have ever been in 14 years, which makes the thought of leaving so much more difficult. Or is knowing that I am leaving what is making me so happy? I can't be sure. I do know that, currently, it feels like my heart is in two places at once.
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